By Joe Barkovich, Scribbler-at-large
An open letter to Hizzoner, the Mayor:
Good morning Mr. Mayor,
I’m shattered. After all these years of calling you Frank, I really thought your name was Frank! I really thought I knew you!
Until this morning, when I read in the local weekly paper that you are actually Fred. What a surprise! It’s there in black and white, right on the front page: “….Welland Mayor Fred Campion…”
Well, I will be frank about this, Fred: From this moment on, you will become Mayor Fred Campion in references to you.
And, hey, look on the dark side: Should you ever make a political decision that merits criticism, you have an alibi: “Blame it on Mayor Fred! I’m the other guy, Mayor Frank!” It’s the perfect out.
Keep up the good work, Frank, er, Fred! And don’t forget to change your name tag so people know who you really are. There’s a lot of confusion out there already.
Have a great rest of the day.